Twist tie theory

The other day I was complaining about twist ties in an e-mail to my friend, the Otter:

You know what gets my guts in an uproar? That American industry can't set a standard for which way twist ties are applied. Is that so freakin' complicated? I mean, how many years . . . ? But every darn time you get a twist-tied package, you have to figure out which way you have to twist it. We're not talkin' rocket surgery here. I know which way to twist open my prescription meds, a bottle of bleach, a jar of jelly, a radiator cap, the clean-out access on a sewer line, a darned five-gallon container of dishwasher sanitizer, but a loaf of bread—no-o-o-o-o-o! First one way, then the other. Have I cross-threaded it? Or is it twisting open? Nope, getting tighter. Okay, guess it's the other way.

Twist ties (Courtesy **)

The Otter, in his offhand way (he much prefers to discuss economic theory), responded with a series of optional solutions, none of which actually plumb the depths of this problem. Well, he hasn’t heard the last of it.

However, the issue of twist ties brought to mind a remarkable mystery (at least to me) of particle physics: string theory.

Here’s the notion of string theory as I likely misunderstand it:

Back in the day, we learned that atoms were made up of electrons, protons and neutrons and that these were the smallest particles of matter. Well—surprise, surprise—they aren’t the smallest particles. Nor are they these tiny balls of energy that were always depicted in representations of the atom.

Current theory has it that they are actually one-dimensional oscillating lines, “strings,” that are made up of a variety of even smaller particles, like bosons, fermions, gluons and other theoretical bits.

“One dimensional,” did you catch that part? I’m not quite sure how one wraps his or her mind around a concept like one dimensional; it's almost not quite there to be wrapped.

A graphic projection of String Theory?
(Courtesy **)

It gets worse. String theory doesn’t work unless there are at least seven more unobservable dimensions in addition to the four dimensions of spacetime that we’ve already discussed. That’s right, now we have a minimum of 11 dimensions (which, I…uh…I’ll explain, yeah, on the back side of this page).

Seriously, though, something tells me that there’s a bunch of really tricky mathematics behind all this.

And there’s more.

Turns out that the whole negative-positive electromagnetic charge system that was supposed to hold atoms together, as I learned in high school science, actually would cause them to fly apart. So particle physicists had to come up with something else besides electromagnetism and gravity to explain what held atoms together. To deal with the conundrum, they proposed the existence of two more forces, the strong force and the weak force. (Really? Must have been a Friday afternoon when they came up with those names.)

Have you noticed that I am totally incapable of explaining any of this stuff, but that by telling you about it, it makes me seem smart?

Just two or three more concepts, then.

Strings are generally thought to loop in on themselves, which I think is what that pinkish graphic, above, is supposed to represent. But sometimes strings may be attached to “branes,” the particle edges (membranes) of these other seven dimensions, and then they do not loop, just oscillate, like a worm on a fishhook.

Much as it might seem unlikely, due to the apparent opposite ends of the cosmic scale that they occupy, string theory is important to understanding the activity of black holes, too (oh yeah, black holes are not science fiction, fellow voyagers).

Named for 19th century German mathemati-

cian August Mobius, one of its discoverers,

the Mobius strip has only one side. You can

construct one with a long strip of paper. Put

a half twist in the strip and fasten the ends

together in a loop; paper glue or cement

works best for purposes. Now you can mark

a line along the entire surface length of the

strip, meeting your starting point, without

lifting your pencil from the paper. This has
nothing at all to do with particle physics; it's
just for fun! (Image courtesy **)

String theory has given rise to superstring theory, which is not, as I first thought, about very long strings. Rather, it is a theoretical model attempting to generate a formula that can tie together general relativity and quantum mechanics into a unified theory, also known as the theory of everything (I kid you not!).

Enough! I’m still stuck on the one-dimensional object. I mean, even a Mobius strip has edges.

Anyway, do you see why I was reminded by twist ties?

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